What?

Where have I been?

I think my absence initially had something to do with me working in the Christmas trees (tying on tags). But since I only did that for about a week, that doesn't quite explain it all does it? Hehe So much for being consistent. I really need to work on that.

I would like to say that I have been really, really busy but that isn't true. What I've been is depressed and I think that's my best excuse! I am chronically depressed anyway but lately I've had a particularly bad spell of it. I think I'm among the living now. :-)

And now I am busy! Getting ready for company this weekend, Thanksgiving Dinner on Sunday (no, we're not confused), and a tree-trimming party Saturday night. Making and buying Christmas gifts with very little money, too! Practicing songs to sing for church this Sabbath and next. Or at least I have been practicing this week's ("O Holy Night"). I haven't even found the music to next week's ("Mary, Did You Know?"), and I am supposed to play and sing both. Eek! It's around here somewhere. I sang it last year.

I'm seriously contemplating something interesting to post in the near future. You never know, it might happen!

Fear of the Needle . . . and Thread

Sewing is supposed to be fun. It scares me. When I think about it I start breathing hard. Whenever I see a needle I nearly faint. I have nightmares about encounters with my sewing machine.

Okay, it really doesn't scare me quite that badly. I admit I made the last three sentences up. But I do fear it. I can just never seem to quite conquer it.

I have no clue why except that:

I'm a fearful person.
I fear failure
I fear frustration
I fear difficult learning tasks

And I'm a perfectionist.
It has to be perfect
The first time
And if it can't be perfect then I'm not even going to try

I have to laugh at myself, because, of course, that is a perfect explanation of my problem. I have no need to continue wondering why I fear sewing. Now, what to do about it.

I am not very good at it yet--not much practice--so therein lies the frustration. Lots of new things to try to comprehend. I also lack supplies and the money to buy them.

I have this fabric but no thread to match it, that idea but no pattern, another project I can do without a pattern and with the thread and fabric I have, but I need another kind of needle. (Okay, I do have some money but I fear I will buy the wrong thing or won't be able to finish a project once I have bought the stuff and will thus waste money.) Such a dreadful state of affairs, and I'm sure my entire problem is just a lack of money.

Yeah right. When I took sewing in college ( I got an A or A-, which is clear evidence that I don't have a clue what I'm doing, right?), a lady who could already sew took the class just for easy credit. She was past "college-age" and had been sewing for many years. She showed us some pictures of things she had made. She told us about her first sewing project too, when she was a little girl: she made a skirt out of an old umbrella!

I guess what I really need is some creativity and a good sense of adventure. I had some creativity around here somewhere, but I have looked under every book, between all papers, in every box, and under every piece of furniture, and I have not found one sense of adventure, good or otherwise. What shall I do? I don't have any old umbrellas from which to make skirts!

I guess what I need to do is get the right kind of needle to finish my terry-cloth apron I am making out of an old towel. Except that I don't know what kind of needle to get. I'll have to research that. Thoroughly. Next week. And then compare prices to make sure I'm getting the best deal. And then reevaluate to make sure that is really the project I want to finish next. And then double-check to make sure my research findings were accurate.

See? I face my fears squarely, don't I?

The Big Change

Well, it has officially happened. The big event each Fall that marks the end of Summer and the beginning of Winter: the First Frost. Eric (brother) and I gathered the last of the peppers and tomatoes the other night--after dark, in thirty-something weather (and he didn't even wear a jacket!). It is unusual that the frost should come so late--nearly November. It was late last year too, but can come in early September. I like it better when it is late!

The garden is gone. Of course, there are still greens and bok choy, but the "Summer garden" is past for another seven months. Only the freezing of greens and bok choy, the drying of apples, and the making of applesauce remain.

Those who do not grow gardens may notice the changing of the seasons, yet the change has little effect on their daily lives. Although I am not so bound up in agriculture as some (such as those who actually farm!) the first frost both really and symbolically is the turning point between the season of planting and growing and harvesting, and the season of resting and waiting and planning. It's like the new year, or a new semester of college--a time to look back at the accomplishments and failures of the past few months, a time to make necessary changes for the future, a time to plan, a time to move forward with the things that past months could not afford but the months ahead crave.

What will I do? I don't know. I haven't gotten that far yet. :-)

Letting someone else speak for a change

And I quote:

Interior Decoration, as I intimated before, is not just one's artistic efforts, but is that which your home (even if it is just a room) is. If you are 'decorating' with clothes draped on every chair, with scratched or broken furniture--it is still your interior decoration! Your home expresses you to other people, and they cannot see or feel your daydreams of what you expect to make in that misty future, when all the circumstances are what you think they must be before you will find it worthwhile to start. You have started, whether you recognize that fact or not.

--Edith Schaeffer, The Hidden Art of Homemaking

Knowledge: A Little Reality Check Therein

If you were to take a test covering the following somewhat randomly selected homemaking-related areas, at an elementary, high school, or college level, would you pass?

Home management
Money management
Resource management
Time management
Organization/space management
Shopping
Housing
Home safety
Food preservation
Foods and nutrition
Cooking/baking
Gardening/lawn care, etc.
Housekeeping/cleaning
Mending/clothing repair
Ironing
Clothing selection and care
Laundering
Knitting/other needle crafts
Sewing
Art in life
Etiquette /manners
Hospitality and entertaining
Family relations
Parenting
Marriage
Courtship/dating
Communication
Child development
Human development
Health

The Woman I Need to Be for God

In my second post, in the explanation of the hope chest category of "Womanhood," I mentioned that, among other things, we need to focus on being the woman we need to be for God. Sometime after I wrote that, it occurred to me that I had never done that. *blush*

Now, of course, I had sought the will and ways of God, and sought His will for my life, and tried to do His will (not without success). Of course I had tried to be a good, virtuous woman, and had been daily learning and growing . . . . Of course I had asked Him what He wanted me to do and how to do it, and, well, all sorts of things. But, in complete ignorance of this unfortunate situation, I had never actually sat down in solitude, and contemplated and enquired of Him just who and what I needed to be, as a woman, for Him. How, um, embarrassing. Like, um, I might have greater success at being the woman He wants me to be if I actually asked Him what that was? Ya think?

I began shortly thereafter to rectify the situation and--call me optimistic, but-- I fully expect my success rate to increase in the near future. ;-)

A day of experiences

Today was a rather lazy day, as Sundays usually are. I have to recover from Sabbath. Now, having to recover from a day of rest seems odd, but that is the way it is with me. My brain and body are used to resting and not having a care in the world on Sabbath, and then come Sunday, they are still in the same mode and resistant to "six days shalt thou labor."

Nonetheless, it was not a day lost. I was dutiful today and vacuumed upstairs and swept the stairs. I know that doesn't sound like much, but for me to do anything when I am supposed to do it, without putting it off for even a day, and without any resistance, is amazing! I'm so proud of myself! That little duty did get put off for a few hours, but only because I went out to the back garden to help with the more urgent task of picking beans.

I also "experienced" making applesauce again. I'm getting the hang of it, I think. I honestly think I could do the whole process by myself (on a smaller scale) up to the point of actually canning the stuff. Canning is one of those things I flee from. It's too complicated for my poor little brain! I don't know if I'll ever really conquer it, but I fear I shall need to get initiated soon. I think I'd prefer to start with waterbath canning rather than pressure canning (and applesauce is canned under pressure). Tomatoes, maybe? Sounds good, since that would mean another year before I have to do it! But the cutting and cooking of the apples, and the making of the applesauce--I think I might have conquered it. If I haven't yet, I will have by the end of this year's making of applesauce. I'll be experiencing it all week and possibly into the next.

Love in Deed (part 2)

It's all very fine and good to plan to "love in deed" in the future, but I have a family to love now. Somehow that isn't nearly as romantic!

I have, however, been contemplating what I can do for each member of my family.


The father
Keep the table cleaned off. We hardly ever eat at it, but he's always had this thing about wanting tables cleaned off. I don't know why tables are any more important that other surfaces, but they seem to be!

Make more meals "put together" rather than just fend-for-yourself leftover operations.

Watch my tone of voice when I speak to him. He simply does not "get" the whole concept of the role of tone of voice in communication, nor any other type of nonverbal communication. When he is doing the speaking, tone of voice is immaterial and when anyone derives meaning from his tone of voice, well, it's clearly all in their head. However, he seems to notice other people's tone of voice and to derive meaning from that, and to be particularly sensitive to my tone of voice, and in such cases it is most certainly not all in his head. Sigh. But, despite this egregious flaw of his, I really ought to be more careful so that I don't annoy him or send him messages I didn't mean to send. This one's going to be hard because when he is in a lot of pain from his injuries, he is hyper-sensitive. LOL Pray for me, please. I am not particularly good with oral communication anyway and "tone of voice" is one of my problems.


The mother
Organize her and Dad's laundry when I put it in their basket rather than just stacking it in any ol' way, so that it will be easier for her to put away.

Learn how to cook rice in our rice cooker so that she doesn't always have to be the one to do it (rice is a constant at our house).

Stop forgetting to "show up" for such dreary tasks as looking blueberries and shelling beans. The poor woman gets stuck with those jobs for hours, and I really don't mean any harm. I just don't think to do them.


The brother
Organize his laundry in his basket.

Always make sure he has food to eat. He has a lot of allergies and can't always eat what the rest of us eat. He hasn't starved yet, but sometimes the food gets scarce!

Help him pick potato bugs. Maybe? Waaaaahhhh! Well, I'm sure he'd appreciate it. Or help with some other such gardening task he seems to have a greater commitment to than anyone else does.

A Inexpensive Education!

I always lack money that I really do need for various things, and this happens in this area of my life where I am trying to fill my hope chest as well. There are so many books I want, and I need to buy sewing equipment and other things. But this education that I am giving myself really is quite inexpensive.

This evening I WANTED to work on my blog but I NEEDED to clean the kitchen. I cleaned the kitchen and it really was a lesson in being a dutiful woman, as well as being patient and thorough. And guess what? It didn't cost me a cent!

So, while I still need money, I can't help being grateful how, overall, this education is amazingly inexpensive!

Virtue: Awareness

I figured it was about time I started talking about some of the things we need to put in our Hope Chests in different categories, but particularly in the critical category of "Virtue." I didn't expect my first Virtue discussion to be on awareness. Until this afternoon, in the garden, picking soybeans, I wasn't aware that awareness was a virtue. My realization didn't have anything to do with the afternoon, or the garden, or the picking, or the soybeans. At least I don't think it did. I really don't know where it came from. Perhaps if I had been paying more attention, I would know where it came from.

I lack awareness.

I have been noticing this lately, and remedying it in a haphazard manner, but never did it occur to me that it is a character trait, and one of real importance, at that. It seems so small beside love, purity, integrity, honesty, patience--and perhaps it is--yet . . .

If you are not aware of God's gifts, how can you be grateful for them? How can you even enjoy them?

If you are not aware of danger, how can you keep from getting hurt--physically, emotionally, spiritually?

If you are not aware of the needs of others, how can you help to supply them?

How can you learn, if you are not aware of your need to learn or that there is anything to learn?

How can you do anything if you aren't aware there is anything to do or that you haven't done it?

How can you
be thoughtful of others,
have relationships with others,
love,
if you are not aware of others?

So much escapes my notice. This afternoon, while I was out walking, one of our relatives/neighbors stopped in his truck and asked me if Dad was home. I told him no, and I didn't know where he had gone or when he would be back (as is usually the case). After he drove on and I walked on, I seriously pondered whether I had told the truth. I looked down into the yard--the truck was there and the car wasn't. I knew Mom was leaving shortly. Had she slipped out in the car without my noticing, and Dad was home in the truck, or was he still gone with the car and she had not yet left in the truck?

How is it that I could walk out of the house and through the parking area without noticing whether I had passed a car or a truck (and this was not even my first time outside since Dad had left!)? How could I not know whether or not Mom had left, when I had not gotten out of the sight of the house or the driveway? Am I observant or WHAT?

I know I need to be more aware of what is going on around me (so that when people call for Dad I have some idea of whether he will be home "this afternoon," "later tonight," "late," or "sometime tomorrow"). I need to be more aware of God, His love, His blessings, His creation . . . my need of Him. I need to be more aware of others so that I can be more caring, kind, attentive, and helpful. I need to notice more often the dirt on my floor, the clutter on my desk, the dusty steps, the scummy tub, the cobwebs under my computer, so I'll clean house. And more than notice, I need to GET IT!

I'm rambling. I just became aware of the time. I need to go to bed.

I'm learning!

Who can find a virtuous woman?
for her price is far above rubies.
Proverbs 31:10

~ Are they that rare? (Oh, excuse me! Are we that rare?)

~ Do men (specifically single men) ever ask that question?

~ What does it mean to be "a virtuous woman"?

~ Was the passage about the Virtuous Woman in Proverbs written by a man or a woman?

~ Who was its intended audience?

~ Is being like the Proverbs 31 woman an unattainable goal?

~ I've run out of questions, myself. Do you have any? :-)

Love in Deed (part 1)

"My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth." 1 John 3:18

I have been thinking about this verse in relation to wifehood--what does it mean to love one's husband in deed as opposed to merely in word or in tongue? Would it not require some action by oneself? It certainly would, because that is what a deed is: something you do.

So what sort of deeds on the part of a wife would be means of loving a husband? Hmmm. Some people are not going to appreciate this, but I think it might involve cooking and laundering and housecleaning, among other things (of course). I mean no disrespect to those who do not appreciate my conclusion, but such an attitude reminds me of

"If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, and one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit?" (James 2:15, 16)

If a "brother" or a "sister," then how much more a husband?

I feel very loved by my brother when he kills my wasps. And, oh, the love my father and brother express (whether they realize it or not!) when they set and empty mousetraps, and perform other . . . unpleasant . . . tasks. Surely they feel the same way about the laundry I do and the food I cook! Love without deeds is dead (borrowing James' phraseology).

I wonder . . . if I were to enter wifehood, how good would I be at loving in deed? Would I know how to perform the deeds that would be most loving? I think I would do very well in some ways and very . . . not well in others.

What if he not only liked clean clothes (I can handle that) but also liked his meals at consistent times (eeek!)

What if he not only liked good whole wheat bread (got that covered) but also liked a completely uncluttered house (ouch!)

What if he not only appreciated a frugal wife (I dare you to outdo me) but also appreciated a little more variety in the diet than beans a minimum of once a day (uh-oh!).

Hmmm. I've got work to do (but it's a labor of love).

What about you?

The Question Is . . .

. . . what should I post about? It's not that I have no ideas. I have many ideas, I just need some guidance. Or perhaps the fact that I have so many ideas is the reason I need some guidance. So, my readers, what would you like to hear about?

A Home of My Own

I want a home of my own. I really want a home of my own. Though I am content and happy, and I'd rather live here at home than anywhere in the world, I want a home of my own.

Sometimes my desire is just that natural desire every woman possesses. Sometimes it's because I want to run a house my way. Sometimes I am lonely, and want a friend and companion who belongs to me more than he belongs to anyone else. Sometimes I have had an encounter with one of my mother's threadbare dishtowels, which she will not throw away!

I have long known it is my duty to be faithful where I am, to take up the duties that present themselves to me now rather than just longing for something else in the future. I learned that as a teenager and have been reminding myself of it ever since. The other day I opened my Bible and my eyes fell on this verse--and only this verse--and it drove the nail of realization in even deeper.

And if ye have not been faithful

in that which is another man'’s,

who shall give you that which is your own?

Luke 16:12

Gulp

To all the fair maidens . . .

. . . who are waiting for your knights in shining armor.

Reasons your knight in shining armor may never take you away to the land of happily ever after.

1. You live such a cloistered life that no one knows you exist
2. You don't look like a fair maiden
3. You don't act like a fair maiden
4. You really aren't a fair maiden
5. He came, but you were too busy chatting with the rogues
6. You were so caught up in your work that you didn't notice him when he came
7. You don't really know what a knight in shining armor looks like, so you won't recognize him when he comes
8. Because you don't know what a knight in shining armor looks like, you end up going away with someone else before he even shows up
9. He's taking too long. You're getting old. Anything is better than nothing, right?
10. You know just what you want and you know just how it's going to be and you love to dream about it. So much so that when he walks by you on his noble steed while you are gazing up into the sky dreaming about "someday" you give "that rude man" a tongue-lashing for carelessly interrupting your fantasy.