"My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth." 1 John 3:18
I have been thinking about this verse in relation to wifehood--what does it mean to love one's husband in deed as opposed to merely in word or in tongue? Would it not require some action by oneself? It certainly would, because that is what a deed is: something you do.
So what sort of deeds on the part of a wife would be means of loving a husband? Hmmm. Some people are not going to appreciate this, but I think it might involve cooking and laundering and housecleaning, among other things (of course). I mean no disrespect to those who do not appreciate my conclusion, but such an attitude reminds me of
"If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, and one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit?" (James 2:15, 16)
If a "brother" or a "sister," then how much more a husband?
I feel very loved by my brother when he kills my wasps. And, oh, the love my father and brother express (whether they realize it or not!) when they set and empty mousetraps, and perform other . . . unpleasant . . . tasks. Surely they feel the same way about the laundry I do and the food I cook! Love without deeds is dead (borrowing James' phraseology).
I wonder . . . if I were to enter wifehood, how good would I be at loving in deed? Would I know how to perform the deeds that would be most loving? I think I would do very well in some ways and very . . . not well in others.
What if he not only liked clean clothes (I can handle that) but also liked his meals at consistent times (eeek!)
What if he not only liked good whole wheat bread (got that covered) but also liked a completely uncluttered house (ouch!)
What if he not only appreciated a frugal wife (I dare you to outdo me) but also appreciated a little more variety in the diet than beans a minimum of once a day (uh-oh!).
Hmmm. I've got work to do (but it's a labor of love).
What about you?
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Love in Deed (part 1)
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2 comments:
You made good points and this is something that I see lacking among many relationships today. people forget that there are several ways to show love to one another and they get so focused on the physical side of things the rest goes by the wayside. For woman they don't hear "I love you" so they get their feelings hurt and men don't get sex whenever they want it and so they get their feelings hurt and pretty soon they are in divorce court. I realize that is a very broad brush generalization but a reality none the less. Will I expect to hear "I love you" sometimes and will I expect flowers once in a while from "my guy" someday? Most certainly I will but I also will realize that when he does unpleasent tasks, provides well or takes the time to work with me on something or ask my adivce he is showing his love in other ways. The challenge as wives is then to do the same for him. Not love him just how we want to be loved but how he wants, needs to be loved. One of the big things in this regard is being supportive no matter what the situation. As long as he isn't doing anything wrong against God, supporting him and doing it in public so he can hear it is extreemly important. Let him be wrong but let him know in front of others that he is still your knight in shinning armor and you love him. Let him do things his way...your way is not always the right one and ask for help. This is probably the area where I know I will struggle the most but I have been making efforts in this direction and praise the Lord my spirit has changed in the last few years. I have been able to give this kind of respect to not only my male co-workers and men in the church but also my male friends of all ages and I have to say it has made a wonderful difference in my appreciation of them. Does it mean they are any more perfect? No but it does mean that I love them for who they are and I respect them for who they are and the things they give my life, even if they are not always right. I don't get so worried if they are wrong or do things differenly. I might suggest my way but if they choose to do it their way, oh well, let's do it and see what happens. It has really reduced my stress level! The older I get the more I realize the many ways that men show respect and care for woman around them and while it still shocks me when even a little of that comes my way I have really learned to apprecite it. I have started to enjoy feeling protected and taken care of in little ways by men around me rather than annoyed because they think I am helpless like I used to view it.
Good thoughts. There are probably some things in there I need to pay attention to. I am helpless (so to speak) so that really isn't a challenge for me, but respect certainly is! I am a naturally critical person. We all have our weaknesses don't we? Sigh.
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